Last night, I’m sitting on the couch, reading. I hear a loud plop. Look over to my laptop, which is sitting next to me, and I see two lizards. Big fellows, almost as long as my forearm, kind of dazed looking, like maybe a second ago they were fucking on my ceiling and then fell onto my computer because they got a little too excited and lost their grip. We stared at each other for a moment. Then I screamed. They took off. One into the crack of the couch, the other under a pillow. I gave up and went to bed. But, I didn’t dream of lizards so I think that counts as an improvement. And, neither lizard got decapitated, so that’s moving things in the right direction.

The monkeys have decamped from our tree so the yard no longer resembles an insane clown posse concert, which is nice. Though, I’ll admit, I kinda miss them. During the day most the males would leave and the babies came out on the branches to look at us. Their expression of curiosity was incredibly human. Some were more bold, holding onto the branches with delicate little hands and feet, letting their faces hang down to get a better look. While others, stayed in the foliage, closer to their mother’s who sat with their back legs tucked up like haunches, arms lazily hung over branches.

Kinsey barked at a baby once and an adult came out to the edge of the tree, their feet and hands walking along one branch, their tail held high, holding onto the limb above. The branches bowed under the monkeys weight. It leaned down and hooted at Kinsey, it’s chest big and voice loud. Kinsey growled a little and then settled down.

But so the monkeys are gone, haven’t seen a tarantula in days, and Lizard poop ain’t no thing anymore. Oh, and I started learning to drive stick shift. Sean is a very patient teacher and I am a somewhat hysterical student but I’m learning. I’ve only stalled once. It’s an interesting place to learn due to the rough condition of the roads. I don’t know that I’ll ever make it past 2nd gear. But you should see me on a steep hill covered in rock going from a standstill, rolling down the hill in a somewhat terrifying manner, and then vrooming ahead like a regular Desert Rally Driver… except of course, I’m driving a Bego. Not tough sounding but a hell of a little car.

I hope you are all doing well out there in reader land.

Emily

Coming in April 2014!

I’m super excited to be publishing my 5th book in the Sydney Rye Series this Spring. I can’t wait to share it with all of you! In the mean time here’s the cover. Thanks to the amazing Autumn Whitehurst and David Kimelman for their help with it.

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I’ll put up the blurb and first chapter soon!

New to Sydney Rye, download the first book, UNLEASHED, for free on Amazon, iTunes, or Barnes & Noble.

Don’t forget to join my email list so that you’ll be entered to win this month’s prize: A post card from Costa Rica.

Dear Readers,

If you are feint of heart do not read on. This is about to get gross. Our landlord told us that a crew of Howler Monkeys would eventually move into the tree behind the house. They have a territory that they roam and show up in our yard about every 2-3 weeks. Well, they’re here. Great, so cute, right? Monkeys are adorable. Here is the problem: they are throwing shit at us.

Of course, this is Kinsey’s dream come true. She never, even in her wildest imaginings, thought that hairy creatures with opposable thumbs would show up and start hurling their feces at her. Every time I turn around she is back there, nose deep in monkey poo. Every time we have to go to the car we dodge dung. I’m not kidding. Stop laughing. This is terrible. It’s only the first day, I’m hoping they don’t stay long.

The second disgusting thing, I crushed a lizard with our sliding door last night. Heard a crunch sound, looked down, and I’d decapitated the poor thing. Neither of us could deal with cleaning it up and since it was on the outside part we left it. Next morning, it’s almost gone. A crew of ants removed it piece by piece. Don’t fall asleep in the jungle people.

Now, for the third disgusting thing. Bot Flies. Heard of them? Don’t google it. Basically these flies put their eggs onto mosquitos and ticks who then bite us and drop the larva into the wound where it grows! Yup, a larva grows in you. Ew! Well, they have them here. I just read an article about it in the local magazine and now I’m pretty paranoid that every little tiny bump on me is a larvae. God, I hope I don’t get one. Jesus, that would be too gross. I don’t know if I could handle it. Then again, it would be a hell of a story to tell at cocktail parties.

Yes, that’s how I’m going to think about all this grossness. One day, I’ll be drunk, and it will be hysterical.

Sighing off from Paradise,

Emily

The really crazy news is that last night we cut Kinsey’s hair ourselves and that we also found a giant spider in our bedroom. It was huge. As in the size of my palm. I went to open the door because I forgot my nose spray in the kitchen and it jumped off the door and into the room, into a tiny little corner. Sean went and got a broom. He couldn’t get it to come out at first and was like, we should just let it stay. It’s not bothering us and I was like, yeah, no fucking way. Ahhhh!

So, he used the broom to get it out, it started to run under the bed, I screamed blood curdling style, and he swept it out the door. As I stayed curled up under the mosquito net he went to go get my nose spray and I hear. Oh fuck. What? There is another one in the kitchen. I whimpered and shuddered. Sean told me it ran away when it saw him. But at that point Kinsey was like, no way am I staying in here. I don’t have a mosquito net. So she bolts out the door and runs over to where her towel is in a dark corner. The same dark corner Sean saw the second spider run into. Jesus, it was a mess. We eventually got her back in the room, I got my nose spray, we tucked in the corners of our mosquito net like our lives depended on it and went to sleep.

Oh, but while all this is going on there is a totally huge and awesome praying mantis on the lamp shade. It kept looking around at me like, bitch, you crazy. Sadly, I found it’s corpse in the pool this morning. It was so alive last night, it’s head swiveling to stare at me every time I screamed.

By the way, Kinsey’s haircut looks ridiculous. Her ears are different lengths, paws all different sizes, tuffs of hair coming out everywhere, and she’s got a couple thin dreadlocks on her chin that make her look like the character in Gremlins who sells Gremlins.

Here is a shot of the pile of hair that came off her

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and one of me in action.

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I’m going to work on it more today. I strive to be Edward Scissor hands but, alas, I am not.

Oh, and here is a pic of the praying mantis pulling a sunset boulevard.

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Hope all is well with you out there in reader land.

Signing off from paradise,

Emily

We arrived in Costa Rica four days ago and I’m loving it. Our house is almost as I expected except that there is no actual way to close it off. As in no glass, just wooden slates, wide enough for most bugs to crawl through, separating us from the jungle. At first this made me nervous but with a mosquito net over the bed it’s actually not bad at all. My experience with the tropics is that there is no way to keep the outside out so not even trying seems like the dignified thing to do.

My biggest issue so far has been the lizard droppings that appear on my nightstand, the couch and basically anywhere a lizard can get which is just about everywhere. We keep the mosquito net over the bed at all times to keep the little fuckers away from our pillows. Kinsey, my dog, has been useless in the scaring away lizards department.

The days are broiling hot and the evenings cool and breezy. About an hour before sun rise is the coldest, a damp chill permeates the air. Howler monkeys make guttural roars that vibrate across the land, bouncing off mountains, and reaching us as if through surround sound. Same with the coyotes except their calls are much more musical and familiar.

The roads are rough dirt scattered with rocks, steep and pitted. Our rental is a stick shift and I’ve yet to take the wheel having only driven stick once before almost eight years ago on a paved, flat road. So, yeah, lessons are coming but first I’ve got to get up my nerve.

We’re here so that I can write a draft of Sydney Rye #6 but first I’ve got to finish the final edits of #5. My best and favorite beta reader has it now and we’ll talk next week about how I can make it better… assuming that’s possible. Ugh, the crushing weight of self doubt can get you anywhere, kinda like those lizards.

I’m going through the auditions for UNLEASHED (A Sydney Rye Audio Book, #1) which is exciting and difficult. Listening to my words read aloud makes me cringe. I’m going to edit it down to four voices and let you guys pick because I seriously can’t make the decision. I hope you’ll help me find the perfect voice in March when I open it up for voting.

Right now the sun is cutting through the slates of my bedroom wall and a bird is trilling on the roof, the air is still and hot. A hornet inspects the open door. The ceiling fan clicks above my head, it’s breeze playing with the white gauze of the mosquito net. Life is never perfect but almost always beautiful.

Signing off in paradise,

Emily Kimelman

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I’m super excited and proud to announce that the iBooks team has picked UNLEASHED  as their “Book of the Week”. Sydney Rye #1 will be FREE on iBooks all week. So please download a copy, and tell your friends. 

Thanks to the iBooks merchandising team and all my readers for their support!

I’ve had a great couple of weeks. Last weekend I spent three days down in North Carolina at The Writers’ Police Academy. Boy, did I have fun. Not only did I get to hang out with my best friend, Mette and her fiance, David Corbett.

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but I also got to learn how to clear buildings:

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Perform presumptive blood tests:

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How to observe a Crime Scene:

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Work on my interrogation techniques:

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(Mette crumbled under my gentle, friendly, questioning)

And I got to meet this guy:

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Obviously I’m referring to the Blood Hound in the shot above . He was SO cute, but stinky, SO stinky.

The instructors at WPA were incredible! All serious, passionate experts in their field who volunteered their time to help us get our stories right. What a phenomenal group of people. And, of course, the other participants were great too. It is so fun hanging out with a bunch of mystery writers and police talking about exactly how you go about killing people and covering it up.

And the other awesome part about the trip was that I took the train both ways. It’s really the best way to travel… don’t tell OUR WAY I said that though.

Once back up north I put INSATIABLE on sale for $.99 and with the help of Ereader News Today, Bookbub and all of you, Sydney Rye #3 made it into the top 100 on Amazon and iTunes, and into the top 10 on Barnes & Noble. Thanks so much to everyone who bought a copy this week. I hope you all enjoy it!

Tomorrow Mette, David, Sean and I are taking OUR WAY up the river to Albany for Bouchercon, the biggest mystery convention of them all. Albany is the furthest North we’ve gone on our boat and I’m excited to be entering new territory. I’ll be sure to post lots of pictures of the journey.

Thanks for all your support!

Emily

I just uploaded my finished manuscript of STRINGS OF GLASS (A Sydney Rye Novel, #4) to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Apple, and Smashwords. It will be available for download whenever those site see fit to make it so. I’ll be updating through Twitter, Facebook, and this post when I see it live. I can’t wait!

The fact that I’ve written and published four books makes me feel great. I just hope that you all like STRINGS as much if not more than my previous Sydney Rye Novels. Now I’m just going to sit back, sip some wine, and refresh, refresh, refresh until it’s alive, muhahaha (that’s a Frankenstein reference, sorry couldn’t help myself)

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STRINGS OF GLASS is the fourth novel in my Sydney Rye Series of dark murder mystery novels. This series features a strong female protagonist and her rescue dog, Blue. It is recommended for the 18+ who enjoy some violence, don’t mind dirty language, and are up for a dash of sex. Not to mention an awesome, rollicking good mystery!

Sydney Rye is hanging out in India with her boyfriend, Dan, reading paperbacks and sipping beer. No violence and no reminders of her past. But when she and Blue, are attacked by a pack of wild dogs, Sydney starts to feel that old itch again; to do good by being bad.

Trouble finds Rye when she stops the attempted rape and murder of Anita, a reporter working on a story of corruption and human trafficking. The atrocities Anita describes send Sydney, Blue and Dan on a quest that takes them across India after a dangerous and, up until now, untouchable, figure. While Sydney struggles to accept her true nature she realizes that it is the only way to end decades of abuse and exploitation. But Rye fears that she will lose herself, becoming no better than the monster she fights against.

Read the first chapter now while we wait for it to upload 🙂

Now Live on

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Kobo

I hope you’ve had a good couple of weeks. I’ve been super busy with launch stuff and social engagements. The summer just becomes one big party if I’m not careful. The other night I found myself involved in a late night, impromptu porch dance off. It was a blast but I woke up with blisters on my toes and what felt like a sock in my head.

Back at work today I’m trying to sync my reviews on Goodreads with Kobo, finalize some confusing formatting issues, and write this blog. It’s all the finalizing and formatting that makes me feel stuck. Really, imagining riding a Motorcycles around Goa with Sydney Rye is SO much more fun then learning to sync sites. Also, it’s real rocky on the boat, winds from the NW at about 8 knots I’d guess. Throwing up some choppy little waves that are starting to annoy me.

Only a couple of days left until I upload STRINGS OF GLASS and I’m nervous and excited and nervous. I spent all of last weekend meditating. Basically, I signed up for a workshop without really understanding what it was and ended up meditating for about 12 hours over the course of two days which really changes the way your brain works… at least for a couple of days. Now, I’m back to being nervous/excited instead of calm and still. Perhaps I should go meditate. Might have to move to land though. The river is whipping up.

I hope it’s calm where ever you are. If you want to see a video of what’s it’s like here check out my very first instagram video.

Emily

Strings-Of-Glass-digital-coverSTRINGS OF GLASS is the fourth novel in my Sydney Rye Series of dark murder mystery novels. This series features a strong female protagonist and her rescue dog, Blue. It is recommended for the 18+ who enjoy some violence, don’t mind dirty language, and are up for a dash of sex. Not to mention an awesome, rollicking good mystery!

At the beginning of STRINGS OF GLASS, Sydney Rye is hanging out in India with her boyfriend, Dan, reading paperbacks and sipping beer. No violence and no reminders of her past. But when she and Blue, are attacked by a pact of wild dogs, Sydney starts to feel that old itch again; to do good by being bad.

Trouble finds Rye when she stops the attempted rape and murder of Anita, a reporter working on a story of corruption and human trafficking. The atrocities Anita describes send Sydney, Blue and Dan on a quest that takes them across India after a dangerous and, up until now, untouchable, figure. While Sydney struggles to accept her true nature she realizes that it is the only way to end decades of abuse and exploitation. But Rye fears that she will loose herself, becoming no better than the monster she fights against.

STRINGS OF GLASS will be out August 2013 but you can read the first chapter now. Right here!

You can read the rest of the Sydney Rye Adventures in one easy to download Box Set for only $5.99! Catch up before August.

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